CONTRAST
ŞERBAN
CODRIN
ROMANIAN
KUKAI, COMMENTS FOR NOVEMBER 2009
Writing HAIKU requires a very special creative effort, because it requires an aesthetic
horizon, of literary theory that does not exist in Western poetry. This "technique" is condensed, for
the use by amateurs, in a set of guidelines, which relies, again, on another vision
of reality, considered an illusion, and on a
different vision of the artistic product,
considered a true reality. For the
Japanese, this comes in line with the
founding philosophy (Buddhist
Shinto) and accepted
traditions. For the
Western poet /reader, aesthetics
and literary theory may seem too exotic Japanese, repeatable
situation in the poet/reader report
between the Eastern and the Western. How
to resolve this
dichotomy? By cultural adaptation.
Western haiku (American,
English, French, German,
Croatian, Romanian) is a more or less localized/accommodated micropoem than the original model, the more, the better,
the less, the more vague more inauthentic, more defective.
Romanian poets of the first wave,
let's say, who are under the watchful supervision
of Vasiliu Florin
(Bucharest), or Ion Codrescu (Constanta),
have gained some
basic knowledge, and some even on their own. A key missing is basic bibliography: books
by R. Blyth,
William Higinson have
not yet been translated into Romanian, only some
initial attempts are being made.
The second wave of
candidates, expanding after the withdrawal of
the picture of the couple Vasiliu / Codrescu
is visible especially on the Internet, with
results pending. How
obvious? Let's accept
the contest as one of the samples
just ended. I do
not know any names of participants, nor the results. As one
says, I am working "in the blind ". I will, as
usual, make an aesthetic-technical analysis, for the sake of initiation,
not a decoding of
the meanings of poems recorded.
For November, the
seasonal word (kigo) required is fog.
One of the
accepted definitions of the
concept of canonical HAIKU is a measure of 5/7/5
syllables poem, including,
necessarily, a seasonal word. The Romanian uncanonical HAIKU of 5/7/5 syllables
does not comply the rule, but it is obliged to respect
the rule of incorporating a kigo. The rest of the
canon æsthetic-theoretical
remains in the limits of the expressive possibilities of each poet, in his
knowledge so far.
A first remark: some participants
in the competition have problems regarding the
concept of kigo, a relatively new
term for the Romanian poetry.
As long as the
Fog is the season mark for AUTUMN, the unnecessary repetition is called
REDUNDANCY. Among the 60 texts
present in front of the jury, six
are pleonastic, and
two are in a rather special
situation. Here are some examples of redundancy, the word unnecessarily being
placed in parentheses:
(fall) Dusk-
a flying duck
on the veil of fog (1)
The author has
missed this poem,
including because of the metaphor of
"the veil of fog”, a figure of speech prohibited in haiku, not to
say anything about
the unintended humor, from which we learn that
the duck is" flying". Next:
(Fall) foggy -
on
bare branches
only the crows (3)
*
Fog (Brumaire) –
ringing bells
fill the silence (47)
This latter text also includes two
errors that show
no reading literature:
"chime bells" just brings an almost pleonastic hint and "fill"
is at odds with Buddhist
philosophy, haiku preferring instead to
the void fullness. Simplified version, free
would be more
successful, otherwise – padding:
Fog -
chime
empty silence
You will upbraid me for the nonsense poem. It is
not absurd, but only,
paradoxal, that is the essence of
haiku, if properly understood.
The following text is in a special situation:
(St. Demetrius) -
the voice of the bell
by dense fog
(7)
Feast of St.
Demetrius (October 26-27, in the Orthodox calendar) is the fall kigo, therefore
doubles in a nonredundant way, but
uselessly, the seasonal word, imposed by the competition.
The
next case is
more complicated:
A new December -
same birthdays
(and)
the same fog *
(40) (the addition is mine, it is required)
Strictly seasonal,
the season is marked
by the word "December",
indeed, December. In this way, "fog"
loses autumnal kigo
features. I will
be told I am too critical. No. Here
we initiate and
a strange situation which deserves attention has appeared. Subject to the art of haiku
poetry, the poems clearly pleonastic are out of
the question and should be "fixed" or abandoned.
That way, the
contest organizer added a restriction: the correct
spelling with capitals. The rule of
composing a haiku
beginning with capital is compulsory. It annoys many amateurs, but this
is the way it is, writing poetry is not aleatory, it supports
rigor, otherwise there will widespread
chaos. The one who does not respect poetry risks some small sanctions. Nineteen
of 60 texts do
not take into account the recommendation. What are we supposed to
do: exclude them from the competition, as
they deserve, or comment
on them separately? I prefer the second
option, asking poets
to stop contributing to the devaluation and popularization,
that would be a shame.
Many texts are
simple micropoems, more successful or not,
but only a few have
qualities of haiku poetry.
There are, including here, inabilities, another proof
for the long question that
poetry is hard
job, you must keep it well!
Here
are some texts
written carefully, though with errors:
Hardly through the fog
-
same way
under the steps
and
yet another (33)
The author demonstrates
that he is good at haiku, but he missed the
inability of two adverbials of place, when there
must have been an adverbial of place and one adverbial of time?
Thus, it shows up an unnecessary indenture, the value decreases, banning a beautiful
text in the sphere of successful micropoems
and there is no more to add.. Really, too bad. I understand the author's feelings from the first line, that "hardly", but there should
have been a temporal
nuance.
Another splendid
micropoem, in the same thankless situation: the
double adverbial of place:
Lost in the Fog -
with a baton in his hand
searching for the path (41)
33 and 41
should have deserved recognition.
Here's a correct text
(technically speaking) and beautiful
(aesthetically)
Still waiting -
at the only window
same fog (6)
Let us forgive
our debtors and comment upon the
incorrectly spelled texts (without
initial capital). Here I would recommend the authors to become first
major poets, only
then to impose their rules, through aesthetic
needs, and not
by mere arbitrary
will. I'll correct the spelling on my own initiative.
So we have:
Moon over the river
Bridge ends
lost in fog (39)
Beautiful and
ingenious in many
ways, but ruined
by the abuse of
two adverbials of place
Moon night -
Bridge ends
lost in fog
My version would lose even the redundant nuance, to which
haiku turns very sensitive, the couple river/ bridge. We want it
or not, a bridge is almost always
over a river!
It would be my
taste, the text would look this way:
Gate in the fog -
only emerges
voice
of a raven (54)
"The voice of a raven” is a very pitiful personification
in haiku, while
the following form should be given a value of mu-shin, very appreciated
as well, although below, it
seems, phonetically at least, a little tight:
Gate in the fog -
barely off (6
syllables)
bicker of a raven (6) or "the
bicker of a raven" (7) "croaking raven (7)
Something must be done to this little
poem, successful in
many regards, controversial
in others. Let us
let the author to decide, but I
would I think about it before making a final decision. It is a freeform
is preferable (more or less than 17 syllables) to a crush
form.
Another example:
Too dense fog -
lonelier
man in the lighthouse (11)
Failures: in a haiku excesses
are not allowed. Too
dense, “the lonelier” weaken the value of
haiku, but we were in Romania not in Japan, under
the dictatorship of tradition,
where are exalted (This is another abuse!) virtues of emptiness, the
natural simplicity, the "poverty ":
Another
situation:
With hundreds of thorns -
red valley hips
rend
the mist (17)
The first verse is a play on words, "hundreds"
and "sewn". In the second verse,
the author says "hip",
probably a mistake.
Such failures must be avoided. I know worse cases, not
this one, but the pun, quite present in the
haiku, is not appropriate in the poem above. Instead of the plural "hip",
singular recommended.
Alone in the fog
waiting for his grandchildren -
old widower (16)
The last line is completely missed,
the poem must be rethought
and rewritten:
A first boat
arrived too late -
women in the fog
A very good
poem, beautiful. I would have preferred the "woman-in fog, see above, what happens
with the excesses of the haiku.
The discussion
could continue. If
we were to award prizes, I
would think at the
poem "Boat in the fog"
(from my mistake, I did not note the
number on the contract notes). I also prefer
poems declared "beautiful" and "correct". I am nostalgic for the
numbers 33 and 41, very beautiful,
I repeat, very beautiful,
but less accurate. I'm extremely sorry.
I recommend the two authors rather not
to duplicate the adverbials of place or time. It is preferable not to use one of theadverbials, rather
than abusing unnecessarily.
Next time will not happen again! I would have
liked this poem,
very clumsily made, (a real clumsiness real, not mimed, in this case,
the poem would have been brilliant):
Night for thieves
deep fog off
lanterns (2)
In general, epithets
harm to a haiku.
Another false alliteration (ceaţ{a }dâncă). The second verse should be rethought, for unchaining
the imagination.
Now,
finally, a question remains: where is
the irony, self-irony, the paradox of Romanian
poetry texts? Or
too few of
the above authors are Romanian haiku
poets, as claimed. In this way, there is an explanation
...
Bred poets do not write by the '"rules",
but by "inspiration". The aesthetic
and theoretic horizon of poetry (poetry) is part of the creative unconscious.
In the poet's mind, the number of variants is
huge and the selection is instinctive. Therefore
there are bookish poets, good "technicians", but precise, dried,
artificial, and "creative animals" (no pejorative tinge,
God forbid!). I prefer the latter, educated, instinctual,
true artists.
My analysis is not
exhaustive. I'm sure
that, after several
repeated readings, I would find noteworthy
elements. No jury,
no court is full,
there is always something left out,
but I hope that
the errors do not reach the blatant
act or the iniquity
of marginalization of a large creator disregarded.
What I presented is
only a theoretical
Haiku lesson poetry, which is a lesson on
relativity.
