CONTRAST

CONTRAST

ŞERBAN CODRIN

ROMANIAN KUKAI, COMMENTS FOR NOVEMBER 2009

Writing HAIKU requires a very special creative effort, because it requires an aesthetic horizon, of literary theory that does not exist in Western poetry. This "technique" is condensed, for the use by amateurs, in a set of guidelines, which relies, again, on another vision of reality, considered an illusion, and on a different vision of the artistic product, considered a true reality. For the Japanese, this comes in line with the founding philosophy (Buddhist Shinto) and accepted traditions. For the Western poet /reader, aesthetics and literary theory may seem too exotic Japanese, repeatable situation in the poet/reader report between the Eastern and the Western. How to resolve this dichotomy? By cultural adaptation. Western haiku (American, English, French, German, Croatian, Romanian) is a more or less localized/accommodated micropoem than the original model, the more, the better, the less, the more vague more inauthentic, more defective.

Romanian poets of the first wave, let's say, who are under the watchful supervision of Vasiliu Florin (Bucharest), or Ion Codrescu (Constanta), have gained some basic knowledge, and some even on their own. A key missing is basic bibliography: books by R. Blyth, William Higinson have not yet been translated into Romanian, only some initial attempts are being made.

The second wave of candidates, expanding after the withdrawal of the picture of the couple Vasiliu / Codrescu is visible especially on the Internet, with results pending. How obvious? Let's accept the contest as one of the samples just ended. I do not know any names of participants, nor the results. As one says, I am working  "in the blind ". I will, as usual, make an aesthetic-technical analysis, for the sake of initiation, not a decoding of the meanings of poems recorded.

For November, the seasonal word (kigo) required is fog. One of the accepted definitions of the concept of canonical HAIKU is a measure of 5/7/5 syllables poem, including, necessarily, a seasonal word. The Romanian uncanonical HAIKU of 5/7/5 syllables does not comply the rule, but it is obliged to respect the rule of incorporating a kigo. The rest of the canon æsthetic-theoretical remains in the limits of the expressive possibilities of each poet, in his knowledge so far.

A first remark: some participants in the competition have problems regarding the concept of kigo, a relatively new term for the Romanian poetry. As long as the Fog is the season mark for AUTUMN, the unnecessary repetition is called REDUNDANCY. Among the 60 texts present in front of the jury, six are pleonastic, and two are in a rather special situation. Here are some examples of redundancy, the word unnecessarily being placed in parentheses:

                                                      (fall) Dusk-
                                                   a flying duck
                                                      on the veil of fog (1)

The author has missed this poem, including because of the metaphor of "the veil of fog”, a figure of speech prohibited in haiku, not to say anything about the unintended humor, from which we learn that the duck is" flying". Next:

                                                      (Fall) foggy -
                                                      on bare branches
                                                      only the crows (3)
                                                            *

Fog (Brumaire) –

                                                       ringing bells
                                                       fill the silence (47)

This latter text also includes two errors that show no reading literature: "chime bells" just brings an almost pleonastic hint  and "fill" is at odds with Buddhist philosophy, haiku preferring instead to the void fullness. Simplified version, free would be more successful, otherwise – padding:

                                                       Fog -
                                                       chime
                                                       empty silence

You will upbraid me for the nonsense poem. It is not absurd, but only, paradoxal, that is the essence of haiku, if properly understood.

The following text is in a special situation:

(St. Demetrius) -
      the voice of the bell
 by dense fog (7)

Feast of St. Demetrius (October 26-27, in the Orthodox calendar) is the fall kigo, therefore doubles in a nonredundant way, but uselessly, the seasonal word, imposed by the competition.

The next case is more complicated:
                                                        A new December -
                                                        same birthdays
                                                        (and) the same fog * (40) (the addition is mine, it is required)

Strictly seasonal, the season is marked by the word "December", indeed, December. In this way, "fog" loses autumnal kigo features. I will be told I am too critical. No. Here we initiate and a strange situation which deserves attention has appeared. Subject to the art of haiku poetry, the poems clearly pleonastic are out of the question and should be "fixed" or abandoned.

That way, the contest organizer added a restriction: the correct spelling with capitals. The rule of composing a haiku beginning with capital is compulsory. It annoys many amateurs, but this is the way it is, writing poetry is not aleatory, it supports rigor, otherwise there will widespread chaos. The one who does not respect poetry risks some small sanctions. Nineteen of 60 texts do not take into account the recommendation. What are we supposed to do: exclude them from the competition, as they deserve, or comment on them separately? I prefer the second option, asking poets to stop contributing to the devaluation and popularization, that would be a shame.

Many texts are simple micropoems, more successful or not, but only a few have qualities of haiku poetry. There are, including here, inabilities, another proof for the long question that poetry is hard job, you must keep it well!

Here are some texts written carefully, though with errors:
                                                        Hardly through the fog -
                                                        same way under the steps
                                                        and yet another (33)

The author demonstrates that he is good at haiku, but he missed the inability of two adverbials of place, when there must have been an adverbial of place and one adverbial of time? Thus, it shows up an unnecessary indenture, the value decreases, banning a beautiful text in the sphere of successful micropoems and there is no more to add.. Really, too bad. I understand the author's feelings from the first line, that "hardly", but there should have been a temporal nuance.

Another splendid micropoem, in the same thankless situation: the double adverbial of place:                                                 

 Lost in the Fog -
              with a baton in his hand
                  searching for the path (41)

33 and 41 should have deserved recognition. Here's a correct text (technically speaking) and beautiful (aesthetically)

                                                        Still waiting -
                                                        at the only window
                                                        same fog (6)

Let us forgive our debtors and comment upon the incorrectly spelled texts (without initial capital). Here I would recommend the authors to become first major poets, only then to impose their rules, through aesthetic needs, and not by mere arbitrary will. I'll correct the spelling on my own initiative. So we have:

         Moon over the river

                                                         Bridge ends
                                                         lost in fog (39)

Beautiful and ingenious in many ways, but ruined by the abuse of two adverbials of place                                                            

                                                        Moon night -
                                                        Bridge ends
                                                        lost in fog

My version would lose even the redundant nuance, to which haiku turns very sensitive, the couple river/ bridge. We want it or not, a bridge is almost always over a river!

It would be my taste, the text would look this way:
                                                        Gate in the fog -
                                                        only emerges
                                                        voice of a raven (54)

"The voice of a raven” is a very pitiful personification in haiku, while the following form should be given a value of mu-shin, very appreciated as well, although below, it seems, phonetically at least, a little tight:
                                        

Gate in the fog -
           barely off (6 syllables)
                                                      bicker of a raven (6) or "the bicker of a raven" (7)       "croaking raven (7)

Something must be done to this little poem, successful in many regards, controversial in others. Let us let the author to decide, but I would I think about it before making a final decision. It is a freeform is preferable (more or less than 17 syllables) to a crush form.

Another example:
                                                       Too dense fog -
                                                       lonelier  
                                                       man in the lighthouse (11)

Failures: in a haiku excesses are not allowed. Too dense, “the lonelier” weaken the value of haiku, but we were in Romania not in Japan, under the dictatorship of tradition, where are exalted (This is another abuse!) virtues of emptiness, the natural simplicity, the "poverty ":
           Another situation:
                                                       With hundreds of thorns -
                                                       red valley hips
                                                       rend the mist (17)

The first verse is a play on words, "hundreds" and "sewn". In the second verse, the author says "hip", probably a mistake. Such failures must be avoided. I know worse cases, not this one, but the pun, quite present in the haiku, is not appropriate in the poem above. Instead of the plural "hip", singular recommended.

                                                       Alone in the fog
                                                       waiting for his grandchildren -
                                                       old widower (16)

The last line is completely missed, the poem must be rethought and rewritten:

                                                       A first boat
                                                       arrived too late -
                                                       women in the fog

A very good poem, beautiful. I would have preferred the "woman-in fog, see above, what happens with the excesses of the haiku.
          The discussion could continue. If we were to award prizes, I would think at the poem "Boat in the fog" (from my mistake, I did not note the number on the contract notes). I also prefer poems declared "beautiful" and "correct". I am nostalgic for the numbers 33 and 41, very beautiful, I repeat, very beautiful, but less accurate. I'm extremely sorry. I recommend the two authors rather not to duplicate the adverbials of place or time. It is preferable not to use one of theadverbials, rather than abusing unnecessarily. Next time will not happen again! I would have liked this poem, very clumsily made, (a real clumsiness real, not mimed, in this case, the poem would have been brilliant):

Night for thieves

                                                       deep fog off
                                                       lanterns (2)

In general, epithets harm to a haiku. Another false alliteration (ceaţ{a }dâncă). The second verse should be rethought, for unchaining the imagination.
          Now, finally, a question remains: where is the irony, self-irony, the paradox of Romanian poetry texts? Or too few of the above authors are Romanian haiku poets, as claimed. In this way, there is an explanation ...

Bred poets do not write by the '"rules", but by "inspiration". The aesthetic and theoretic horizon of poetry (poetry) is part of the creative unconscious. In the poet's mind, the number of variants is huge and the selection is instinctive. Therefore there are bookish poets, good "technicians", but precise, dried, artificial, and "creative animals" (no pejorative tinge, God forbid!). I prefer the latter, educated, instinctual, true artists.

My analysis is not exhaustive. I'm sure that, after several repeated readings, I would find noteworthy elements. No jury, no court is full, there is always something left out, but I hope that the errors do not reach the blatant act or the iniquity of marginalization of a large creator disregarded.

What I presented is only a theoretical Haiku lesson poetry, which is a lesson on relativity.